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This is a real question for women in New York these days.
For the first time in Manhattan history, many women in their thirties to early forties have as much money and power as men- or at least enough to feel they don't need a man, except for sex.
Because if you are a sucessful single woman in this city, you have two choices: You can beat your head against the wall trying to find a relationship, or you can "screw it" and just go out and have sex like a man.
"Men don't want to have a relationship, but as soon as you only want them for sex, they don't like it. They can't just perform the way they are supposed to.
"Why do I know so many great women who aren't married, and no great guys? Let's face it, the unmarried guys in New York sucks.
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"Once, this guy said to me: 'Please, come with me for a weekend. We don't have to sleep together, I promise. I just want to hold you, that's all.' I said: 'Don't you realize that if I go away with a man, it means I want to sleep with him?'
"I think men can be complicated, but I always know there's another one out there if this one doesn't work out. Men are not high maintenance. It's other women that are really the problem".
"I remember thinking, if he doesn't work out, I don't know what I'm going to do." (This, of course, was typical New York women modesty, because New York women always know what they're going to do).
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"It's all about having children"- he said. "If you want to get married, it's to have kids, and you don't want to do it with someone older than thirty-five, because then you have to have children immediately, and then that's all it's about".
"I think the issue of unmarried, older women is conceivably the biggest problem. It provides torment for so many women, and a lot of them are in denial."
"No, I don't feel sorry for anyone who has expectations they can't meet. I feel sorry for the loser guys who these women won't look at.
There isn't one woman in New York who hasn't turned down ten wonderful, loving guys because they were too fat or they weren't rich enough or they weren't powerful enough or they weren't indifferent enough."
"The problem is, in New York, people self-select down to smaller and smaller groups. You're dealing with a crowd of people who are enormously privileged, and their standards are incredibly high."
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She went into her bedroom. There was a thick white carpet on the floor and photographs everywhere in silver frames, some professional-looking shots of Julie in a bathing suit, her long blond hair swinging over her shoulders.
Carrie stared at those photographs for a long time.
What was it like to be Julie? How did it happen?
How did you find someone who fell in love with you and gave you all this?
She was thirty-four and she'd never even come close, and there was a good chance she never would.
It's time. Time to stop complaining about no good men.
Time to stop calling your machine every half hour to see if a man has called.
"What's the point of a husband?" Julie said.
"I mean, who needs two babies?"
"Except that now I want to have another baby. I was thinking about getting rid of my husband, but now I'm not sure that I want to- yet."
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There were squadrons of these women looking for men and pretending not to.
"You've got to be able to roll into a place and go right up to the hottest girl there- otherwise, you're finished. It's like being around dogs, you've got to show no fear."
"It's actually better if there are more guys than girls when you go out.
If there are more girls, they get competitive with each other.
Girls try to steal boys all the time."
"Women are so envious in general. It doesn't have anything to do with their age. They're so insecure and unhappy about where they are, they can't stand it if it seens like another woman has it better."
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"I think when men tell women to lose weight, it's a diversion from their own lack of size in certain areas", one of the women added dryly.
"I don't know. There are so many beautiful girls around that after a while you start looking for someone who can make you laugh."
"There's a thin line beween attraction and repulsion. And usually starts when they begin wanting you to treat them as people, instead of sex toys."
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"I tell every guy they have the biggest thing I've ever seen". The women laughed nervously. "It's survival", she said.
Libby was definetely a one-night stand. She wasn't pretty enough to date, to be seen in public with.
"I just want you to know", she said, "I really want to have sex with you."
A pretty girl wouldn't have said that, he thought, as he pulled down his beer and began undressing her."
"I've always wondered if it was because she wasn't datable that she'd constructed this complicated inner life. You know, if you are not in the beauty Olympics, you can become a very interesting person."
"You know, if I closed my eyes, there was no way she didn't satisfy me in every way."
"Well, every man secretely hates pretty girls because they're the ones who rejected him in high school."
One afternoon, they were having lunch, when Ellen began describing a recent sexual encounter with her boyfriend. She had given him a hand job using Vaseline.
"The thing about these girls who aren't beauties- they have to put sex on the table. They can't nuance it."
"A pretty woman would never let you have the TV during the sex. Women like Ellen allow you to be yourself."
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"Mostly, life is a series of mild disappointments. But two women? No matter what happens, you can't lose."
A menage à trois involves the trickiest of all relationship numbers: three. Now matter how sophisticated you think you are, can you really handle it? Who gets hurt? Are three really better than two?
"We're leading sensory-saturated lives. High density. Intensity. Millions of appointments. A simple thing is no longer fun. Now you have to have two or three girls, or exotic strippers at Pure Platinum."
"On the other hand, the reason to have multiple sex partners could just be curiosity. Withou being overly analytical."
"It's not reality. It's not communicating. It's not sincere. It's just a moment in their stress-ridden lives."
"It's the whole idea of more. It's four breasts, not two."
"It's variety. You get tired of being around anyone after a while."
"If you cheat your girlfriend, you usually feel guilt afterwards. With this, there's no way you're going to have an ongoing relationship, so it's no threat.
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"It brigs up all kinds of deep-rooted fears." There was a moment of silence while we looked around the room.
"Density, stress, and the overcrowding of the niche structures. And in this city you have incredible pressure. Pressure fucks up the hormones, when the hormones are screwed up, there are more homossexuals; and homossexuality is nature's way of cutting down on population."
"It's the easiest way to do it. It's sport. You don't care for tha girls, otherwise, you would let your buddy have sex with her.
And it's a lot cheaper".
"So, after that, it was like we were going out of out way to prove we weren't gay. The three way was almost a validation of our heterosexuality. You're validating your masculinity to another guy."
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It should have been sexy, but all I could think about were those National Geographic nature films of mating baboons.
They're people who can't negotiate the system. They're on the fringes, sexually and in life. They're not necessarily the people with whom you want to share your intimate fantasies.
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- Who was that man you were kissing in the cab?
- Just another man I either don't want or can't have. Like you.
- But you can have me- he said. I'm available.
- Exactly.
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"I haven't done anything wrong.
You haven't done anything right, either."
"What can I do?" Mr. Big said. "I can't compete with a dream."
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Sex And The City- Candace Bushnell.
