As recently as fifteen or twenty years ago, the assumption was that gay people could not have children unless they pretended to be heterossexual by marrying someone of the opposite sex.
More single and partenered LGBT people began to challenge this assumption, actively seeking ways to become parents. The impact has snowballed into something significant enough to now be called: "gayby boom".
With conservative voices adamantly arguing that children are damaged by having parents who are gay, it is not surprising that more reasonable voices in the gay-parenting debate strive to demonstrate how "nomal" these families are.
At the same time, however, children with gay parets who see how they are represented publicy begin to internalize a paradox: to be accepted for being different, they first have to prove that they are "just like" everyone else.
When media stories about gay parenting feature only high-achievers to show how "normal" these kids are, it becomes easy to see that not all children of gay parents have a circle of supportive friends, are class president, and lettering in three sports.
Being out as a gay family but always feeling the pressure to demonstrate that everything is "fine" can feel like leaving one closet to another.
(...) He has since discovered that "most families are dysfunctional regardless of sexual orientation".
In their minds children hear: "If you encounter any struggles regarding my sexual orientation, it will be very painful for me. I will feel like a bat parent. Don't disappoint me."
They're put in a caretaking role to affirm their parent's sucess as queer parents.
Many sons or daughter share stories of times when they felt they had to protect their parents from their real experience for fear that they would seen unsopportive.
When kids go with their gay parents to visit grandparents and other extended family members, they often watch their parents take on a personality that is unfamiliar to them.
Their parents revert to the role they played growing up, which involves being pseudo-closeted.
The transition might be so ingrained that the gay parent does not notice he is doing it, but it can be jarring for his children. They are not sure if they, too, are expected to take a step into the family closet.
Adding to the complications is that some same-sex couples are not sure of how they want their relationships recognized, especially in public setting.
Individual members within a family are known to have differing ideas about how they want their relationship presented.
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Families Like Mine- Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is.
Abigail Garner
